Did you know, Guinness records even have a record for highest divorce rates, that’s how common divorce is in the world today. The problem with new age marriages is such that no one really cares about what happens to children.
The record, of course, is held by the Maldives but many other countries don’t lag too far behind as today divorce is a causal thing that ends marriages as.
1. You perceive a child as an adult
Today people often mistake treating children like adults but they aren’t. They will never comprehend reasons for divorce and the emotions that go along with it. You have to induce a sense of security in kids since you are responsible for them. Fill then with confidence that everything is going to be fine and it will for them.
Children don’t need to be told details
You don’t have to tell them everything in detail. They just need your support and need to feel it without having to comfort you instead. Your worries and troubles can be shared with friends or family or even a therapist but never your children.
2. You make your child to choose
Never ever force children to choose between parents as this will break their hearts. This also includes who they want to stay with. Such a decision makes a kid feel they are betraying a parent for the other and will be unknowingly hurting one parent.
It isn’t fair to the child and these issues should be sorted out in court or mutually with a spouse. A child’s opinion can be taken into account but they should never be made to feel any pressure of a choice.
3. You try to be the favorite parent
This is almost like bribery to get what you want. You can harm your child emotionally by trying to show up the other parent. Your child will slowly start doing whatever they feel like and start disobeying you too.
There should be mutual affection and agreement for the child
There should be a mutual agreement between partners about how a child should be brought up and what disciplinary rules need to be in force at both homes.
There is no need to keep telling the child that you may have done more than the other parent.
4. Your child feels guilty
In a divorce a child usually feels guilty for the parent’s separation and experiences stress because of a drastic change in their happy home. This is the worst thing for them to feel as if they are too blame.
It is important to let the child know they had nothing to do with the situation and bad deeds don’t lead to divorce so they shouldn’t feel guilty.
5. You feel guilty
You should never show that your guilty and feel the need to explain to the child that it inst your fault. Unpleasant things happen in life and not every time does life go the way we want it to. By blaming yourself, you end up playing the role of a guilty parent which can affect your child. They may start using this against you as they grow older and will soon be spoiled and want everything using this as blackmail.
You are negative about your partner
When being taught not to take the blame yourself, you shouldn’t also blame your partner and never tell your child about your partner’s faults, misdeeds and mistakes of your spouse.
By speaking badly about your partner, it can be internalized by them. Their attitude will also changed towards their other parent. Remember you both are the child’s parents and you both love the child in spite of the problems.
7. You use your child as a mediator
Regardless of what you feel about your partner and the fact that you dint want to communicate with them, don’t use the child as a messenger.
They shouldn’t have to pass on phrases to dad or mom. Talk with your spouse yourself because the child is stressed out already so don’t aggravate the situation for them any further by making them feel they are between two.
8. You block your child’s relationship with the other parent
This is one of the worst things you can do just to spite the other partner. It only ends up harming the child who can’t understand the reason why they aren’t being allowed access to a parent.
Not inviting the spouse to events in your child’s life make makes the child suffer the most. The child needs both of you and the absence of one parent can bring them a lot of pain hurt and suffering. It is better not to involve yourself with the relationship between your ex and your child.
You need the details
Whenever your child visits your spouse or spends time with them, never interrogate them after that to find out details of their life or who they are with. Even if you are dying to know, you still should control the urge to ask such things of the child such as your ex lifestyle or their romantic affairs.
Just restrict yourself to regular questions like what they did together and what they ate or whether they had fun. The child should be made to feel positive about such meetings and interactions with both parents.
10. You think your child doesn’t understand the situation
This is another assumption that compels parents going through divorce to do things that may affect a child negatively. You think the child doesn’t understand and so fight and act aggressively with your partner in front of them. Couples should never fight in front of the child who can pick up the negative vibes and hostility.
Both should never swear in front of a child. Children witness everything and get hurt by it so neither should try to increase the stress and suffering for them, learn to control your emotions and solve issues privately.